Consider a Career In the Expanding Field of Arch-Villainy!
In these tough economic times many Americans are turning to high-profile SUPERCRIME to pay the bills.
You could be one of those people.
How does owning your own volcano fortress sound? Or how about a secluded mountain retreat with a built-in weather machine? A dark side moon base with a death ray? Have you ever wanted to fly in your own personal nuclear-powered low-orbit spaceplane? Hordes of dim-witted lackeys could be serving your every whim at this very moment, scouring the globe for artifacts from lost civilizations, or just robbing banks to fund your exciting new lifestyle!
These things and more could be yours! All you have to do is buy my DVD workshop "Oh, How They Laughed!" and the companion workbook/starter kit "YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY!"
Just read these exciting testimonials:
"After I was laid off at the plant I thought I'd never get work again. Now I rule my own subterranean fortress grotto, full of degenerate mole men who attend to my every villainous need. Next week I'm going to sink the Chrysler Building and replace it with a statue of myself made out of pure nickel from the earth's molten core! Beats the sheet metal press any day!"
-Ted, Chicago
. . .
"As a stay at home mom I'm always looking for ways to make a little extra cash. Holding the great cities of the world hostage with an orbital earthquake generator is not only profitable, but all kinds of fun! HONEY, STAY AWAY FROM MOMMY'S SUPERCOMPUT--"-Susan, Dubuque
. . .
"My latest scheme may have had me banished to an alternate dimension, but at least I had fun getting here!"
-Philip, TANGENT B-7 (the one where dinosaurs never went extinct)
. . .
"I AM ETERNAL--WITHOUT LIMIT--WITHOUT END. THE PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE STRETCH OUT BEFORE ME AS A GREAT, BLACK OCEAN, AND ONLY I AM PRIVY TO ITS CURRENTS AND EDDIES. ALL THAT LIVES DOES SO AT MY PLEASURE. ALL THAT DIES DOES SO AT MY COMMAND. ENTIRE GENERATIONS WILL LIE PILED BENEATH MY FEET, AND FROM THEIR FLESH I SHALL FASHION A GRIM CATHEDRAL BEFORE WHICH EVEN THE STARS THEMSELVES WILL BE FORCED TO KNEEL. BEST $299 I EVER SPENT!"-Xargax the Deathless, Great Pit of Sorrow At the Center of All Time and Space
. . .
WOWWOWWOW!
Why wait? You could be the next to force your enemies to
REAP THE MOTHERFUCKING WHIRLWIND!
REAP THE MOTHERFUCKING WHIRLWIND!
Special price for the next 15 minutes only: $299.99*
(or four easy installments of $79.99).
(or four easy installments of $79.99).
Don't hesitate! Order today and receive an exclusive invitation to this year's live seminar--"Rule By the Lash: Henchmanagement In the 21st Century"--being held in July in beautiful Salt Lake City**!
*Payment accepted in blood diamonds, Nazi gold, and Mastercard.
**Pending the outcome of negotiations between the US government and Doctor Cyclops, the seminar may be moved to a backup location deep within the Antarctic wasteland.
